Where’s my magic gone?
I find myself in a good place but not completely at ease with my witchery if you will. I started a journey not long ago and made the decision to go from solitary practice to that of one within a coven. Really it was a bunch of friends and we all shared sacred space together all the time. So why not make it official, right? Well, shortly after we did, we all just came undone and it all fell apart. Nothing major happened and our friendships are still there. It just didn’t seem to work for us to be a formal coven I guess.
Life took over for every one of us and slowly each one of us drifted a little apart from the group, doing our own thing. Meeting new love interest, going to school, starting new jobs, moving away, having babies and well, life happened. So it’s been quite a while since we have shared sacred space together. Sure we’ve been able to get together for social gatherings, but just not for ritual or solstice celebrations. That’s not to say that one or two or three members have met up to share drum circle dancing under the full moon or in celebration of an equinox, but again, nothing with our old group like we used to do.
Needless to say, I went back to solitary practice and did just as well as I did before the coven days and before the friends-get-together-for-ritual days, but in recent times, I find myself lacking magic in my life. I met someone, got married, became the manager of a store that I run, and have been experiencing medical issues, and I find myself not finding the time to make magic. I am having trouble writing rituals much less performing them.
I’m tired and after getting home from work, making dinner, and other responsibilities, I just want to relax for a couple hours and get to bed early.
The Sounds of the Divine
Despite all this, I still get those enlightening messages in the clouds, in the wind, in the rain, and through spirits, but why can’t get out of this funk? I want desperately to reconnect with my deities the way I was before or more so. I have set up altars in preparation for worship, but when night comes all I can muster is the energy to light candles, maybe incense and moment of peace. Yet I do no more. I feel like I’ve lost that “je ne sais” what.
These brief moments of connection through nature are usually when I’m driving to and from places (work mainly). I used to get these moments very often 3 or 4 years back. I used to have so much drive to go along the desire.
I try different things to try and get motivated. I clean my altar, I arrange things around. I do the same for each shrine that I have. Yet, like I mentioned, when it comes to that moment . . . nothing.
I recently visited a local book store and I came across a book by an author I’ve been most interested in learning from, Orion Foxwood. It’s called: The Flame in the Cauldron: A Book of Old-Style Witchery. Something about this title made me want to purchase it. So far, I think this might help me see things from a different perspective, and I hope that it will be the first step in moving forward with this new journey I’m having such trouble understanding how to begin.
Where do I go from here?
In recent days, I am preparing for Summer Solstice. I want to bake cookies. I found a wonderfully, exciting recipe posted by a fb friend. It incorporates seasonal herbs and honey and I think it will be a perfect addition to ritual. I am also holding sacred space that night to send out energy for a terrible loss in our community where a mass shooting took place just a few hours away from where I live. This holding of sacred space is important to me because I have always believed in the power of prayer and when multitudes come together, whether in person or through transcending energies, it is a very powerful force.
Have you had a similar “funk”? I’d love to hear from you.
The Lioness' Roar 
Hi Luna. I can totally relate to this blog entry. I have seen changes in my life since about 2013 which continue on into the present. I had spent quite a while trying to network with other like-minded folks and to even participate in a coven, but life circumstances constantly prevented that from happening – and quite honestly, there were other things that took more of a priority for me (i.e. family/children, etc.). With that being said, it has been even longer that I have been totally alone in the religious sense. While there’s been a spell or two here and there, or a random offering, or something else of that nature, I see my personal practice and interest in all things “Crafty” fading away. I don’t mean that negatively, either. Simply, as life’s path is being drawn out, I follow it where it takes me with the belief (and conscious effort) that I am doing everything that I can to reach my fullest potential and greatest destiny. The Divine doesn’t care what religion you practice, if any at all. It’s all about what’s in your heart – and I find that my heart and all other aspects of my life have only improved as I have spent less time dwelling on crafty practices. For me, personally, I feel that there tends to be a little too much baggage, both physically and spiritually, that comes along with *our* religion of choice. I had to sort of cut those ties in order to see my life ascend. I’m not referring to have been converted into a Bible-thumper or anything like that; rather, just having the discernment to make decisions (some harder than others) that are best for my family and that may have the best potential outcome for all of us in the long haul.